This week in my Film Listography Journal series I reveal a list of movies I “almost” walked out as well as the worst films I can remember watching. Note: I have never actually walked out of a theatre without finishing a film.
This journal entry is about movies people walk out on but I’ve never done that. Probably because I live under the code that if you pay for something, you suck it up and finish what you started dammit. There are however plenty of movies that I’ve started and not finished. Most recently ‘Into The Woods’ falls in that category. Just awful – are there any actual songs in that musical or do they just sing-converse the entire time?
I put Transformers: Revenge of The Fallen on there because for the first half I turned to my wife and actually said to her at one point that I felt like ditching. Thankfully the shiny explosions changed my mind but that movie is the most uneven feature I think I’ve ever seen. To have that much spectacle and such utter bullshit at the same time is puzzling. The Great Gatsby pissed me off because I couldn’t handle the hokey dialog – the pace made me feel like I was riding a stupid rainbow train through the 20’s.
Finale Destination 3D — I would have walked out on if I hadn’t been with a large group of people. It was atrocious and to no fault of the actual film, there was a woman sitting behind me who felt the need to talk about what she thought was going to happen loudly before it happened – in every single scene. I complained but it didn’t stop her. Thankfully the film was garbage so it didn’t matter either way.
Now – Tideland…. That film is the worst movie I have ever seen. Terry Gilliam is an artist – a true artist to be able to make a film like this amidst some masterpieces like Brazil or Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. But Tideland is so bad, so awful, so poorly paced, so boring and unnecessary by all accounts that I couldn’t find a single element of praise whatsoever. It’s about a girl wandering the prairies while talking to her dollheads as she encounters various inbred weirdoes while her dead and bloated father (played by Jeff Bridges) sits in some old farmhouse rotting away. It’s stupid, weird for the sake of being weird and hands down the worst movie-going experience that I’ve ever had.
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Now fans of the smash-hit Listography journal series (over a quarter of a million copies sold!) can list all their favorite movie picks. Featuring the colorful illustrations of artist Jon Stich throughout, Film Listography boasts over 70 list topics ranging from the classic (favorite films of all time, favorite actors, directors, and soundtracks) to the lovably idiosyncratic (top so-bad-it’s-good movies, scenes that made you cringe, characters you are most like). A celebration of celluloid that’s sure to entertain, this is the ultimate fill-in journal for film fanatics, list lovers, and anyone who appreciates an alternative approach to journaling.